A third of a year. Is it really that long?

I can't believe it's been 4 1/2 months. We're nearly halfway through our contract! We need to start looking at new places to work. We love Vietnam but we want to see a lot more of the world. Many people do stay here because the life is easy and the money's good. So that means you've all got 7 1/2 months and counting to get out here! We have a few people visting over the next few months so that will make for some interesting blog material.

So after the last blog me and Matt decided to go to the Mekong Delta. It the southwest region of Vietnam where the Mekong River meets the sea. The Mekong River goes all the way up through Cambodia, Laos and ends in China.

We got a bus on a Tuesday morning to My Tho. Here we got a boat to a small island where they were making coconut candy - which by the way is DISGUSTING! Some people may like it but WE did not. As we were looking around the place we came across some snake wine. A massive container with approximately 20 snakes coiled in. So we tried it, of course. Tastes like whisky actually. The next wine we tried was made from bananas. That was really wrong. It tasted like ash tray and cough medicine mixed together. YUCK!

We then were allowed to go off on a little bike ride and I don't know if you've ever seen pictures of the bikes in Vietnam but they are old school!!! Barely intact, no back brake, seat as hard as bricks...loved it!

The bad thing about this trip was the fact that it was a tour. They hurry you along like a herd of cows. We got ushered into little boats (which for me was the best bit). It felt extremely Vietnamese. Matt had his hat on and a can of beer in his hand, whilst I rowed!






We took a bus ride to the next place and by the time we got there it was dark. We were ushered into a little boat and it basically felt like we were being smuggled from one country to another. Who knows maybe we were, we had no idea where we were!

Finally we arrived at our destination, a Vietnamese family home in the middle of...somewhere. There were two options. We could have either gone to a hotel and stayed the night or get into this little boat and stay at a Vietnamese persons house. We totally chose the right option! They showed us to these little huts to sleep in. They were awesome!!!

After looking around the house, which by the way was so cute, we were served dinner. Yummy homemade Vietnamese food! It was amazing and all free. To top it off there was a beer fridge. Me, Matt and the 4 Germans that were with us drank 49 beers. I was in bed by half 10!! Oh but not before doing a little bit of night fishing in the river. This was very unsuccessful though!

The next morning after being rudely awoken around 3 times by a crazy cockerel we set sail to the floating market. It was a very weird experience. The market stalls drive up to you and attach themselves to your boat. All they were really selling was fruit which got a bit tiresome after a while.

After seeing a few things in the area we were taken to a crocodile farm. It was crazy, there must have been about 500 crocodiles. Little cute baby ones to massive scary 'could eat people' ones. They were all pretty lethargic though, lazing around in the sun. Not much happening in Croc land!

We next stopped at Sam Mountain. It's basically a mountain with lots of steps going up it leading to a pagoda. The view up there WAS INCREDIBLE! We could see Cambodia. The sun was setting so we got a few pictures of that. But again we were rushed through all of this quite quickly so didn't have time to just chill.

Finally we reached Chau Doc. This is the nearest town to Cambodia so from here people cross the border via boat or bus. We had a nice evening just eating Vietnamese food and drinking beer in street cafes. Not a very lively town, everything shut down about 11.30pm. We needed an early night anyway, because we were being taken for breakfast at 6!!

Finally we visited the Cham minority village. This was awesome! We had to get there by boat of course and when we reached the little dock, they had made out of wood, I felt like I was in a different world. The house were built on stilts because the water comes in pretty high in rainy season. Everything was made from wood and there was a lady weaving pashminas. It was an extremely pretty place.

Now it was time for the bus journey from hell back to Saigon. 7 hours on a bus is NOT my cup of tea, neither is having next to no leg room!!! BADTIMES. I was very happy when I saw the good old smog cloud of Saigon.

hmmmm so what else?

Ah yes the ILA Christmas Ball. Everyone got dressed up very pretty, although the Vietnamese outdid the Westerners big style! They looked hot!!!! I got a dress made, just gave them a picture of a Kate Moss dress and it turned out pretty damn similar. I chose a different colour though.

The main attraction of this party was the free food and alcohol! Yes it was good times. I was pleasantly p*ssed. I'll put some photo's up.

Ok need to go buy a Christmas Tree now and decorate out flat! Very excited, however it has started pissing it down with rain which is not good. I'm gonna have to wait it out! Boooo!

Not entirely sure of our Christmas/New Year plans yet but I'm sure my next blog will tell you all about them. It may be entitled "How we got Carl, Ross and Laz out of Vietnamese Jail".

Ha ha

xxx

Fake Blood and Strange Children

First and foremost my friend Steve was moaning about not being mentioned last time. So here you go Steven. Welcome to the World of Blog Fame. Ha ha.

I've just been out with my friend, Kelly, and found the most amazing little shop. Basically it sells old Vietnamese paper stuffs. Photos, diaries, albums, books, postcards letters, that all at one time belonged to someone Vietnamese. There are some really funky old pictures that are definitely going to be sent to you people as Christmas cards!

Had a good day off today! Ate blue cheese, drink tea on the roof top bar of the Majestic hotel and then booked my birthday meal on a Saigon boat restaurant. So I shall update you with the drunk happenings on this weekend in my next blog. I'm sure it will be messy and involve a mental breakdown as I'm turning 26 which is now officially nearer to 30 than 25. Jesus.

Anyway what's been gwaning? I'm being stalked by the woman that set me up with the TV job. I have to do another scene but I keep telling her I need notice! She's pretty creepy and just turns up at my house expecting me to be ready to go. Very weird. She even rang me at work the other day and was like "we go movie now". I was like "no I'm at work." She said she could go and talk to the principal of the school and get me out of work. Err no you crazy women. Anyway I think she's got the idea now that I need a organisation. Idiot.

So I left you last time telling you I was about to embark on a journey to Mui Ne. What a lovely place it is! We chilled on the beach, hired motorbikes...yes MATT can drive a motorbike, visited the Fairy Stream, which by the way has no frickin fairies! Was extremely upset. It did however have devil children who when they asked for money Matt offered them 8,000 Dong - about 25p - refused because it was too little. Then they hassled Matt all the way to the end with Matt constantly saying "no, piss off" until finally they said "OK 8,000 Dong is OK"!!!!! Like it was a deal! I tell you, the children are evil here!

We also went Sand Duning (there's a video on my Facebook page if you haven't seen it) which is massively FUN. Sledging on sand seriously what could be more fun than this? I did recommend they needed a lift though because walking back to the top was a bitch!

On our last two days it rained intensely which caused there to be a river where the road was meant to be. Was pretty funny watching people on motorbikes trying to get through then falling over. One girl went under and I was worried for a second, but it was all OK 4 Australians came to her rescue. I decided then to pretty much swim across the road because there was a bar serving buy one get one free on cocktails. No river was gonna stop me getting to that.

There's also one amazing bar there called Pogo. It was chilled, had graffiti over the walls, hammocks, cheap drinks and best of all the sea crashed against the bar and sprayed inside.

So after our holiday came Halloween. Ahhhh my second favourite time of year, after Christmas of course! Me, Matt, Sophie and two other girls Kelly and Rachel got costumes tailored, OH YES. Four nurses, one doctor. Matt loved it. Although the difference between the English and the rest of the world at Halloween is clear to me now. Halloween for the rest of the world is a time to look hot. Halloween for the English is a time to put as much fake blood on yourself as possible! It's just in the morning it's quite hideous when you wake up and your face is red and actually stays red until you purchase some white spirit and shower in that.

Halloween at work was pretty funny. I think I scared my 5 year olds slightly with my syringe. Also all children could attend a haunted house on floor 5. It was basically a massive classroom decked out like a house. ILA went all out, smoke machine and all! When I was in there though the scary music suddenly stopped and randomly i hear "All around me there's familiar faces...". Yes they were playing Gary Jules (I changed this from REM because Mr Luke Sando Sanderson has just informed me I was wrong. Did you like that mention Sando?) in a haunted house. I was a bit confused as I started to think that maybe the Vietnamese think Gary Jules is terrifying? The kids were shit scared though. At least none of my kids chucked up like Zach's. Ha ha!

I have one child that is extremely weird. I have mentioned her before. You know - fringe plait girl. So the other day I come back from my break and one of the other teachers was looking a bit lost. I asked what was wrong. She said "some one has taken my post its of the wall". She had set up a game with the kids and some little bastard had sabotaged it. I was like ahhh boooo then walked into my classroom. I started my lesson and my TA shouted "Linh!". I realised then my this point Linh, fringe plait girl, was turned around looking out the window. I walk over and pull back the curtain and you guessed it...all the fucking post its were stuck on the window. Little shit. Anyway I gave them back and the teacher was like "I don't no how she got them, because they were up high." So not only had she just stolen them, she'd got a chair out of a classroom to get up there!!. Evil.

Another funny thing happened in class the other day. I told my Juniors (age 8 - 11) to write now body parts - one had to begin with S. So I was thinking shoulders...oh no. An 8 year old wrote SCROTUM on the floor. I started pissing myself laughing. My TA asked what it was and I kind of explained. I thought, it's OK because he won't know what it is. Oh how I was wrong. He shouted "Teacher, scrotum!" and pointed to his willy area! OH MY GOD WHY DOES HE KNOW THAT!
At least he didn't get it out and show me like some other kid did in this guys class.

I thought that would be a lovely note to finish on! :D

Goodbye my Sunflowers.

xxx

Question: How do you become a Vietnamese TV star?

Answer: Be a westerner.

Seriously, it's that easy. I know that you were all thinking that I was the chosen one from a line up of amazing models but noooo this is not so. It basically works like this.

Ring ring, ring ring.
Matt: Hey biatch! How do you fancy being in a TV show? $20 a scene? There's a woman here that needs a western girl.
Alison: Yeh man!
Matt: Cool cool, it's a date. I get 10% commission by the way -------(line goes dead).

Cheeky bugger.

Anyway so I got picked up at 8.45am this morning. And bought breakfast. Then a man that resembled a samurai put me on the back of his bike and whisked me away to the airport at a some stupidly dangerous speed.















I arrived on set (which was Ho Chi Minh arrivals lounge) and instantly I got pushed into a seat for hair and make up. They didn't really do anything with my hair but they plastered me with foundation and blusher. Whilst this was happening a really beautiful Vietnamese girl introduced herself to me. She's one of the main characters in the show and her English was amazing. She told me what my character was going to be as no one else there could talk to me!

So my character,

I was an American friend of the main actress. In the TV show she's a police woman and I was just coming over to visit. Not entirely sure why? My character seems pretty god dam pointless.

















So my first thought - I'm American...but I'm English.

After hair and make up I get given the script and then came my second thought - JESUS CHRIST I have to speak!!! But the girl, I think her name is Lam, told me that they don't shoot the sound now! They do voice overs afterwards. How ridiculous. Now I know why Viet TV is so shite.

Anyway the script was utterly amazing. Not in a good way. The English was so bad I basically re-wrote the scene. Felt like a teacher and everything...Oh that's right I am.

So we started shooting and basically my scene was walking through arrivals with luggage and the main girl. She starts telling me about the airport and about Vietnam then asks me if I want a drink. I say that I'd love a coconut and say some shite about there being no coconuts in the USA. AND SCENE.

Next scene I'm in the car park and the actress meets her family at their car. She introduces me to the fam (who look like characters from DALLAS!!) then I get in their car, but we didn't actually get in their car we all walked and hid behind it randomly :S

So that was my day of filming! I actually have one more scene in a club at night next week. I really hope I get shot by some mafia member or something because otherwise...why the hell is my character in this show?!?


PLEASE LET IT BE LEAKED ONTO YOUTUBE!!

















So what else has been happening down here?

Matt was nearly battered by a policeman for standing on a chair on top of a table in an alleyway. He was looking on top of someones little hut house for a diamond ring that some stupid girl had chucked up there in a rage and instantly regretted it. OF COURSE.

We're going to Mui Ne on Monday, cannot wait! It's a beauitiful paradise beach 5 hours away. Going for 4 days because the city drives you insane after a while! The pollution is quite bad which reminds me I need to get a mask as I'm getting a motorbike/scooter! YES I AM you heard right. It just has to be done! My top speed will be 10mph but I don't care!

I'm also becoming a fashion designer. I'm going to design my own clothes and get the tailors here to make them for me! It's sooooo cheap! Girls get designing if you want something! I'll get them made if you want!

Finally, all is good on the work front. I have a 16/17 year olds class and they are amazing! One girl - Lam - is actually a thesaurus. She comes up to me and asks me things like - "What's an aglet?" Yes good question, what the fuck is that? - found out it's the end of a shoe lace. You know the plastic piece. That little piece of nothingness has a name. Then yesterday she enquired "Teacher, What's a Skidamarink?".

?????? Got to be an American word only they would make this up! (I LOVE YOU YANKS REALLY) I was right. I'll let you find out what it is. mwahahahaa!

Anyways PEACE OUT HOMIES.

Love y'all!

xxxxxx

All work AND play.

I'm writing this blog whilst recovering from one EXTREME hangover. I'm in an Irish bar on Le Thanh Ton and it's one of my top ten recovery hideaways! It's dark, there's good music - for me any way, (Amy they actually played the Dawson's creek theme tune!!), actually looks like a good old English/Irish pub and most important of all, they sell ACTUAL mash potato. None of this creamy milky shit. Real mashed up potato. Amazing.

Of course this bar - like every bar in Saigon - is MAJORLY over staffed. Seriously at every bar/restaurant there will be 5 waitresses/waiters for every one of you! How do they make profit? Maybe they work for free. I did hear the other day that one boys wages were around 5,000 Dong (20p) an hour!

Another new favourite place of mine is a cafe called Princess and the Pea. It's tres funky. You walk up 3 flights of stairs in this weird little apartment block to find this serene, fairy lit heaven. You take your shoes off and sit down. We sat in the library area packed full with Vietnamese books. It even had the Grimm Fairy Tales in Vietnamese. The music playing was the soundtrack to Amelie and it fitted so well. My favourite part of the house is the Princesses Bedroom. Complete with 11 mattresses piled on top of each other and a little ladder to climb up there. The walls are covered in pictures of all varieties of fairy tales and there are all sorts of things hanging from the ceiling. If anyone has seen Katana's bedroom then your nearly there.































One other hideaway on my list is The AK Hideaway. It's a bar for expats and travellers but only if you can find it. It's situated above a restaurant called the Asian Kitchen and is run by two lovely people. One Vietnamese girl and one London boy. He's Matt's idol at the moment because he came to Vietnam to teach (i think) and now owns a bar instead all within about 8 months or something. And he's only 23. He's living a boys dream. If any of you come to visit me, you WILL be drinking at this bar. 80p for a vodka orange - yes please. And for all you vodka red bull lovers out there you can do the vodka red bull challenge! Oh yes.

So I went out the other night, got really drunk (mum I'm not always drunk I just like to write about the drunk times as they're much more exciting), and got my god dam bag snatched! I know it's not my fault but I was kind of wearing a neon sign saying "I'M REALLY WANKERED TAKE MY BAG!". But I'm pissed off about my phone. It had loads of photo's on there and now I've had to buy a shitty little phone that doesn't even have a camera. ERGH. And they took my Vaseline. BASTARDS! So never again will I go out with a bag at night. From now on my belongings will reside in my bra. I'm actually thinking of sewing little pockets into it then nothing will fall out. So annoying though. I vote for the "shooting them down the river" route. :S

On my days off I try to always do something slightly constructive. The other I decided right I'm going swimming at one of the 5 star hotels. Got there and all was amazing until 30 mins in started to piss it down. Now usually in Saigon it rains vigorously then stops after about 1 hour or so. OHHHHHH NOOOO. It's Alison's day off so lets rain all bloody day and even throw in an electrical storm for effect. :[ So me and Kelly ended up sitting at the bar drinking tea and smoothies for about 2 1/2 hours until we finally gave in and left for mash potato.

On Tuesday (another day off) Matt and I visited the zoo. And I tell thee, if you visit me I will never bring you to Saigon Zoo and scar you for the rest of your life. This place is fricking mental.

First Weird Encounter - Women touches Matt's bum. His boxers were showing so one women decided she should pull up his trousers.

Second Weird Encounter - We walk over to the reptile house and yes there were fluffy white bunnies in with the pythons. Me and my naive ways really couldn't understand why they would put these creatures together??? Then Matt says "I think they eat them". The terror in those bunnies' eyes. They were actually shaking. Further down in the reptile house there was a python actually swallowing a bunny whole. This is when I thought I'd seen it all. I was so wrong.
















Third Weird Encounter - A gecko falls onto my head. At first I thought it was like a cochroach or something then calmed slightly when I touched it and it was gecko shaped!

Fourth Weird Encounter- The orangutan was chucking things at me. I think it was because he was so god dam bored. His cage was so small. This was a running theme throughout the zoo. Anyway, so I started chucking things back at him. I feel he enjoyed this.

Fifth Weird Encounter - Two ladies gestured for them to walk over to them. They handed us carrots and told us to through them at the bears. They then signed for us to follow them. "Monkeys" they said, but we told them "No we've already seen them". We started to walk and the women started shouting "Baby, baby, money, money, money." They wanted money for their baby. They were begging. Matt and I both started shouting "No" at them. I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I would have told them to feed their baby with the money they paid to get into the zoo. Crazies!

Final Weird Encounter - The Lion Cage. I was filming the lion roaring (but when you watch the film I only get the end of it and looks like the lion's just coughing) when Matt says "Have you seen the bunnies?". NOT AGAIN! Seriously bunnies EVERYWHERE! And they knew they were food. One clever bunny was in the pond because he knew the lion wouldn't come in and get him. But seriously bunny, you're going to die of pneumonia. As I carry on filming the lioness struts out of the house with something in her mouth, yes you guessed it, a bunny. This is when the camera goes off because I know she's about to rip its head off which she does. Then she must get bored with the dead bunny because she stands up and pounces on another bunny - which scares the crap out of me. Where's the challenge? How bored must these lions be. Get a gazelle in there I say!!!!!

So don't watch the video if your against lions eating bunnies.

Tạm biệt my friends.

xxxx

You know you're starting to settle in Vietnam when...

...you use Vietnamese words regularly. The most important word I have learnt so far is 'yay'. This means tissue/serviette/toilet roll. Seriously I use it all the time!! Vietnamese toilets like to run out of tissue frequently. Another good phrase is 'komm' which is no. Good for saying to all the annoying kid street sellers, or to those PR people that try to get you in their bar. Matt will usually say 'komm komm komm' because they annoying him so much and their like 'why why why?'. Ummm it's none of your business!!

Matt and I will soon be fluently in the language as we start Vietnamese classes tomorrow! Ha ha! We have one lesson a week for about 30 weeks i think. I think me and Matt will get on well with it because we try to speak Vietnamese to bar tenders etc as much as possible. They appreciate it. Also they assume you live here and people who live here don't get ripped off like the tourists! I shall explain...

...the Story of the Vietnamese Football Shirts.
So the market lady was like 'you buy!' when Matt was looking at football shirts. We then got on to the conversation that we work here at ILA blah blah blah. The lady then said quietly 'oh you sit down'. She gave us these kid sized stools to sit on (don't think normal size stools exist here). She then said 'because you live here we give you good price'. For ages she wouldn't tell us how much so we were thinking oh she's having us on. She then showed us the price tag. It was 650,000 Dong for one. So for 2 that would have been over 1 Million Dong. She then got here calculator and she typed in for 2 - 280,000 Dong!!!! Tourists get charged around 5 times the price!!!!!!!! It's crazy. So if you ever come to Vietnam be sure to haggle! And start LOW.

Another bad thing for tourists is that they are targets for theft. My friend's had her bag snatched twice now and Matt's had his wallet pick pocketed. They're so sneaky! I usually have a weapon of some kind like an umbrella or bottle of water I can wack them with if they try to take my bag. They never attack you it's just the bag they want so if you don't mind losing it, I say just give it to them! We heard a story though at work that about 6 years ago this started happening and the police found out who it was. They got the 6 people, took them down the river and SHOT THEM! The muggings apparently stopped over night!! CRAZY TIMES! Vietnamese do not take any shit!

On a nicer note, two friends from Bingley Grammar school came to Saigon. It was really cool to have some familiar faces. We used this as an excuse to go to a posho hotel bar - The Majestic. It has a view of the river. We also had a nosey around the hotel and it's pretty lush. I would like to live in a hotel! We then moved onto a fresh beer place where we got speaking to some guy who had an awesome accent. For ages I was like who does he sound like then it came to me...EMINEM! Yes he was from Detroit. Love that accent.


Me and Matt took a little trip on our day off to a beach near Saigon called Vung Tau. It's 1 hour 45 mins away on a hydrofoil (a boat that goes bloody fast). We had a nice little spot with a sun bed and umbrella right at the sea front. Not to forget our coconuts! The sea was so warm, I've never felt sea that's just like a bath! Early afternoon some fishermen came along and nearly caught me in their net! We also forgot that we were nearer to the equator so me, Matt and Kelly got burnt to a crisp. Matt peeled worse that a snake shedding it's skin! It was crazy. And we out sunblock on!




Vang Tau Beach.


















The Jesus statue that's on top of the mountain in Vang Tau. You can go and sit on his shoulder apparently.















Posing!













The fisherman on the beach.

















Another view of the beach.

















The ice cream man!













Look at the little crabs! There were loads of them!















This photo reminds me of a clip from Baz Lurhmann's Romeo and Juliet.











Teenagers playing football on the beach.













The beautiful view from the Lighthouse.














The moon reflecting of the sea. View from the Lighthouse.







In the evening we went up to a lighthouse on a hill. The view was so beautiful! I've added a couple of pictures for you to see. We then partied the night away playing pool in a 'hooker' bar (this is the name we give to bars that have lots of scantily dressed women in all sitting around chatting up western men. We beat the hookers at pool as well! Ha ha.

We don't have anything planned as yet for the next few weeks. We get paid Friday so hopefully we'll sort something out! I would like to hire motorbikes and go off somewhere for a drive. Keep you updated soon. Miss you all xxx

Work, Play, Sleep, Work, Play, Sleep.

Well hasn't it been a while. And if you look at the title of this blog it may become clearer to you. We have been constantly working, playing (drinking) and sleeping (until around 2/3am). We decided yesterday that this is not the way forward. Honestly I think we were just getting slowly into the working at random hours thingy but now we have a schedule that stays the same every week so we can actually live a real persons life instead of a crazy persons!

I only have a few things to update you on because not much has been happening (again referring to the title!) but I'm sure I can make them sound more interesting than they were!

Firstly, one thing you must know, is that during my time here I've developed an OCD for washing my hands! Seriously, I must wash them like 20 times a day! They constantly feel dirty and sweaty though and my nails seem to get black within a time span of 4 to about 7 minutes! It's crazy! Also the thought of lots of children's dirt on my hands is making me want to wash them now actually!

So we've been going out quite a lot recently and drinking just as much but who wouldn't when a vodka pineapple is 80p. But I learnt my lesson the other day when my hangover was horrific and then times that by the fact that it's a million degree centigrade and BAM it's worse than you could ever imagine! However, one constructive thing me and Matt are getting from going out is the free Vietnamese lessons we seem to keep getting delivered to us. Matt can now ask for "one beer please" and we can both say "thank you, hello, goodbye and no" (which is handy when people keep asking you if you want marijuana!

We've also taken to planning our lessons in bars! I totally recommend it! We have a quiet cafe bar near us that plays the cheesiest love songs ever - jazz style! It also throws in a few musical numbers! Memories (from cats) is my favourite.

Lessons are going pretty well. One of my favourite classes are a bunch of 6 year olds. They are awesome. There are two kids however that clearly have ADHD! Thankfully they're not friends otherwise the two combined could sabotage my lesson single hand-idly. I have one slightly strange girl that where's her fringe in a plait out the front of her head like a unicorn's horn. It's pretty amazing and I'm totally doing that to my child! Then there's one amazing girl, who knows a lot more english than the rest. She's blatantly just sitting there thinking "what am I doing with this lot?".

Matt had a class of elites (age 16-19) who utterly adored him. Basically every girl in Vietnam pretty much thinks Matt is Justin Timberlake. They cannot get enough of him. They actually got their camera phones out and started a photo shoot in class. He SO loved it no matter how much he's says he was embarrassed! Must admit I'm jealous! Where's my paparazzi? Apparently western girls aren't the thing over here.

When I get a chance I'm going to do an entire blog on Saigon scooters. These forms of transport are truly amazing. You need to be shown exactly what is carried on these bikes. It's anything from a 5 ft x 5 ft pane of class to a bed mattress (double). And people, there's no end to how many people they can fit on a scooter. I've only seen a family (4 people), but my friend has seen 6. SIX PEOPLE!! How? Like seriously how? Oh and the other day I saw one carrying what looked like a oil paint masterpiece, bigger than him, with one hand. These Vietnamese folk are skilled in the art of traveling by scooter!

Tonight we went for food at our local and this time we took some friends from work. As we were looking at the menu they all started pissing themselves laughing. At first Matt and I were totally bemused but then it became clear to us that they were laughing at the menu. I seriously do not know how me and Matt missed the on million funny things written on this menu. And no joke this menu is the single most funniest thing I have read EVER. I'm actually thinking of paying them for a copy. A few dishes include

- Two Sunshiny Ink

- The bird shares roti

- Pink things

- Forest Bees

There are so many more I need to share and I'll take not of next time but the best one was this.

'MAI PAHI' CRAP STEAM POT.

yes, a pot of steamed crap.

Anyway I'll leave you with that thought. I'll update pictures on this blog at a later date. We have few funny photo scenario ones from when a couple of friends were in Ho Chi Min on their summer holiday tour.

So... peace out homies. xx

Caodaism, AK47's and a Saigon Kiss

Since the last time I posted a fair few things have happened some good, some not. Lets start with Nipple Twister. This spawn of the devil came into my life once again when me and Matt went to get Vietnamese fresh beer. As we were walking into the garage like room, I sneezed. Suddenly I heard this "errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" and then "you buy cigarette!". I was like nooooooo! He soon fizzled away but not before he tried to touch Matt's nipples.

Moving on swiftly we tried some of the fresh beer that they do here. Basically they make a batch everyday and it usually sells out by night. Not because it's amazingly nice, because it's not it's just average. But because it costs about 30p a glass. If it doesn't run out they add bubbles to it to make it a fizzy lager type beer. If they didn't do this it would go off.

Hmmm so a Saigon Kiss, what's that? I here you say. Well its a lovely burn one gets when they get off a motorbike the wrong side and melt their skin on the exhaust pipe. For all those who don't want to see look away now!


















BAD BAD TIMES. This was 5 days ago. It did get a little worse but now it's all drying out. Luckily me and Matt were going to the clinic the next day anyway to get the HEP B and Rabies jabs so a lovely nurse looked after it for me :) I may have a scar to remind me of this foolishness for the rest of my life! Ah that's life!

On a random note I woke up the other morning to find a gecko in our sink. I was a little unsure as to what to do. Usually with spiders and things I just wash them down the plug hole but gecko's are actually cute. I tried to get him out but he leaped about a foot and now resides under our sofa.

Whilst I'm writing this Lola is here cleaning cleaning cleaning! I don't think I'll be able to return to England until a maid is a definite feature in every house. (And the prices are changed to about 3 times cheaper). But seriously I don't clean anything it's awful!!! I'm going to become a lazy lazy girl.

Right so actual pictures! I'm only putting a few good ones on here but the whole set for these two weeks will be on Facebook.

Yesterday we visited the Cao Dai Temple and the Cu Chi Tunnels and it was awesome! It felt so good to get out of the city and see what I consider to be the real Vietnam. We met Kelly at 8am to wait for the trip we'd paid for. This trip cost under £5 for the whole day! I love this place! So this mini bus pulls up and a Vietnamese man jumps out and calls us onto the bus. There were other tourists already on the bus so we met some new people which was good!

First stop was the Cao Dai Temple. It took around 3 hours to get to the temple but it didn't feel like it. The tour guider's name was Son. He was a funny man. With his jam jar glasses and tongue in cheek comments, Son made the trip very worth while. One thing he said about the Temple. "We leave at 12.20 p m. If you not at the bus, first of all, we respect your choice for religion and second of all, we go." Basically just get back on time.

Caodaism is a religion combines elements from many of the world's main religions, including Buddhism, Confucianism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, Taoism, as well as Geniism, an indigenous religion of Vietnam. Cao means "high" and dai means "palace". The temple was full of colour and patterns! It was also just before mass so all the monks (not sure whether they are called monks?) were congregating. We also watched part of the ceremony but had to leave about ten minutes in otherwise Son would think we'd surrendered our souls to Caodaism!






After visiting the Temple we made our way to the Cu Chi Tunnels. The tunnels were absolutely awesome! We were shown where everything basically went down. The Vietnamese were so sneaky. They basically lived underground and the Americans lived pretty much on top of them and never knew they were there. That's how so many of them died. The Viet soldiers would sniper the Americans and disappear without a trace. After a while the Americans started to realise that maybe the Viets were underground and not in fact invisible. They covered their tracks so well though, rubbing the Americans scent on everything so dogs couldn't track them. They even had this crazy smoke dispatching mechanism for cooking underground. Bamboo pipes led the smoke far away from where they were cooking. It was clever! The tunnels were crazy tiny! And they had been made bigger for us westerners as well. But of course before crawling around this underground labyrinth we got to play with guns!





















Oh yes! Matt and I fired an AK47 and an M60 (machine gun). Worth every penny! I don't understand how all soldiers weren't deaf though. The shots were SO loud!

What a fab day we had.

So now I'm finally coming to the end of this blog post (it's taken me 2 days to write) a lot more random stuff has happened. We all went out together for some drinks etc and Matt and I decided we wanted to go home around midnight. As we walk down our alleyway we can see in the distance the funeral party that has been there for a few days. Apparently its a normal thing, they set up a wake and party the days and nights away WITH the coffin. Now this is the part I was slightly worried about. A coffin...sitting in 35 degree heat...in an alleyway...an alleyway that in fact has a market every morning...with food. But it's all cool apparently.

So anyway back to the story, we were walking through the party and we get beckoned back by everyone. "Hey hey hey come!". So we thought WHAT THE HELL. I'm glad I did because it was the best party I've been to so far in Vietnam yet! We sand Vietnamese songs - very badly. We sang English songs to the people - very badly. Songs that made the final act were "Hit me baby one more time", "Wonderwall", "Wannabe" and "Barbie Girl". Yes I said Barbie Girl. Imagine me, Matt, a plastic box drum. It was bliss. We did the "Come on Barbie" bit and EVERYTHING! They loved it! I think. Also they took to imitating my laugh which I did not find funny at all and Matt thought was hilarious. We also drank beer from a communal cup and were given lots of food. It was so cool! They were the nicest people ever and it didn't matter that we couldn't understand a f*cking word each other were saying.

So now farewell, it's to the grindstone for us as we actually start teaching Saturday! Be back soon! xx

A Night out with the Newbies.

We finally have finished our induction/training week so it was time to celebrate. Here are pictures of last night and us being pretty damn DRUNK! I feel this was a good opportunity to introduce you to people.










Here Zach an American dude that did his CELTA in Vietnam and got a job straight after. He isn't sweating through his t-shirt...it's the rain! And Sophie an awesome girly from London who's been working in Taiwan.

















Sarah and Sam the other couple that started with us. Sarah's from England and Sam's from America. Again Sarah isn't sweaty by the way. It was constantly raining last night and she decided to dance in it.













Here is Kelly with Sarah. Kelly's a Welsh lass but does sound at all like she comes from Wales. She can speak Welsh fluently though. She was definitely the mostest drunkest last night!!


















Oop! And here's us! Looking good and drunk! Also evidently I have a retarded arm now.


I think everyone's pretty hungover today. Me and Matt went to an italian and Matt ended up getting his Spaghetti Bolognaise boxed up and leaving me. Maybe it was down to the fact that we played Ring of Fire last night. But not just normal Ring of Fire this was crazy American rules Ring of Fire. And I thought American drinking games would be lame. Oh how i was wrong.

We then ended up in a bar called Lily's where the drinks come in plastic jam jars things called "buckets". They cost around £1.30. I did however get chatted up by some Columbian man and due to my naivety enagaged in a conversation with him. It ended when I told him I was a teacher and then asked him "So what do you do?". He answered "I y'am a beesneese man". At that point I thought hmmm he's probably trying to sell me drugs. I swiftly walked away.

Talking of dodgy people I met an EVIL child the other day. He's about 10 and he's the cigarrette boy. He walks table to table trying to sell cigarettes for 25,000 Dong (for all you smokers out there thats 75p a pack! Yes I know). Anyway his trick is to grab all men's nipples and twist them, because you know that will make them buy things from you! I was laughing at him the other day and whistled at me and said "What you laughin' at girl?" and shoo-ed me away with his hands! Rude!! He then proceeded to kick some young girl who was trying to sell flowers to tourists. Nipple Twister is going to hell.

Anyway I start work on Sunday I think and if I have some days off next week me and Matt will be going to the Mekong Delta. So lots of pretty pictures to look at. We're just getting the hang of the city so once we're settled I'll start taking alot more photo's. Oh one more thing check out our helmets!!!





















Me and Matt are addicted to the motorbike taxi's so these will come in alot of use! We also just wear them around the house for fun! hee hee

Living The Dream

This is my first post and it's going to be so full of information you'll either be so bored you'll never read it again (and pretend you do), or you'll just like reading it the way you read the newspaper everyday. If you like it more than that then I love you.

Getting to Saigon

Hmm, now you'd think this would be just a straight forward journey, two planes no fuss. Oh well you'd be wrong. We almost didn't get here. This was due to the f***ing idiot at Heathrow behind the Thai Airways desk who clearly didn't know what the hell she was doing, tellinh us "Ohhh you need a letter telling us you have a job in Vietnam". WHAT?!!?!?! Are you actually joking? The only reason she asked this is because she rang her supervisor every 2 minutes asking them which how to check some in. Maybe she was new...never the less I DON'T CARE.

We didn't have the letter. We'd never been sent the letter. Maybe an email but anyone could have written this!!! Anyway she was adimant so she only gave us tickets to Bangkok. It gets worse. Just as Matt was about to give her the credit card to check the booking he dropped the card down the side of the luggage conveyor belt. Yes he did. The idiot then rang up the maintenance guys to take the machine apart.

Finally we get onto the plane. Flight is awesome, free drinks free food. We arrive in Bangkok and we go to the transfer desk and explain the flying to Vietnam situation. The Thai lady looks at us and says "Why didn't you just get the flight transfer from London?". EXACTLY. If the Thai can do it why can't the English?!!!!.

We arrive in Vietnam and walk to the Visa desk. Whilst filling out our forms the man asks us to pay, not by credit card though (oh no of course not because that's all I had) he want's VN Dong or US Dollars...cash. Shiiiiiiit! They let me leave the airport to go and get money. I could have just done a runner and left Matt but I'm nice. I get the to the ATM and I see cash withdrawal firgures of 100,000; 200,000; 1,000,000; etc. Hmmm what's the exchange rate? I have no idea. I just get out the top amount and guess what that's not enough. So some Australian guy just gives us some money THANK GOD!

Finally we get to the guesthouse in the middle of the tourist area. The man from the guesthouse comes running out shouting "Tonight you sleep in my friend's hotel, we are full". Yes we were booked in but that' s how it works in Saigon apparently lol. So we settle down to sleep in the friend's hotel/guesthouse/dodgy motel.

The First Few Days

So we thought the friend's guesthouse was bad...we hadn't seen nothin' yet. The actual guesthouse our company booked us into was disgusting! The walls were like nothing I had ever seen. How could a cleaner not see that the walls were dirty and when I say dirty I mean there was actual bogie on the wall. It makes me gag thinking about it.

Every room had a theme though. The other teachers who are starting with us revealed these! Sophie's had demon ants that would never leave and Sarah and Sam had the room next to the rooster coop. He crowed from 4 am until 12pm every day! I still think the bogies are worse though. Matt also felt he needed to show me a massive bogie wiped down the side of the bed. I think I threw up in my mouth. At the moment it would be my sole mission in life to get out of there.

We moved out 2 days later THANK THE LORD. Our apartment is lovely. It's a studio flat in a small apartment block down an alleyway. We also have a roof terrace and are 5 minutes from work. I knew I wanted to live here when we walked into the reception area and it was so quiet (no beeping to be heard which reminds me I need to explain the beeping). On the floor was a shrine to a Buddist God with lots of candles all around it. It was lush. We're paying $620 a month so £400. We have laundry service, wifi, water, gas, cable t.v which I can watch F1 on and Matt can watch Premiership games live and of course THE MAID. She's awesome! She's just been in. She even washed up. I have no idea how to ask her name so I'll name her LOLA. We love Lola. Photo's of the apartment are below:





































































The City

It's actually amazing here! The way I can describe it is like another world. Kind of like a neon London without the shitty people and the shitty tube. Everyone here is so relaxed and nice. There's no worrying about whether he is he going to mug me or she is going to shout at me if I walk into her. They just get on with it. It's awesome.

The roads are MENTAL. Seriously I'm going to come abck to England and get frickin' hit by a car because here, you just cross. No matter what kind of road it is...just walk! They will go around you. Even cars. The one rule they all stick to is no stopping. They don't stop and you can't stop. Just get to the otherside.

We've also worked out beeping someone isn't a rude thing. It's a "I'm here, I'm coming and I'm not going to stop". The beeping does die down at night...just. Also getting a taxi is awesome. They cost like 10,000 Dong which is 33p. Everything here is so cheap, unless your one of those tourists that's a complete fool and gets ripped off 300,000 Dong for a 5 minute journey in the cyclo people. Totally not me or Matt :S

Motorbike taxi's are awesome! They give you a helmet and drive you everywhere pretty quick. It's like being in a film with a Vietnamese Tom Cruise.

Talking of cheap the food is amazingly cheap. We can usually eat a meal with drinks for under a fiver. The street cafe's are definitely the way forward. You go in and sit on little chairs like in the early learing centre and they bring you food. It's lush Vietnamese food but your stomach will need to become accustomed to it. We're going through the dodgy stomach stage at the moment. BUT definitely the best food I've had so far.

School Stuff

So finally I'll just let you know about the workplace. Our building is the biggest out of all the centres. 9 floors with a cafe at the very top. We've been on induction since Saturday and we've observed classes. I cannot wait to start! I have been told I'll definitely have the Jumpstart kids who are like 5. They are the cutest thing EVER! All I have to do is play games and sing wheels on the bus! EXCELLENT! We won't know what our classes are until next Saturday so I don't know what Matt has yet.

We went out last night to try meet a few people and everyone seems so cool. A running theme with the teachers is that they all have Mickey Mouse Degrees such as Art, Film, Philosophy ha ha! Much like Theatre and Choreography. So that's us for now! I'm sure many a funtimes will be had so I can record them on here for you! Pictures for here and Facebook are to come.